


Want to Feel Alive

by LunaStories



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Mercenary Wade Wilson, aunt may shows up at the end!, but there's supernatural stuff, trust me on this haha, wade calls peter baby boy a lot lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-05-18 02:50:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 13,932
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14844206
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunaStories/pseuds/LunaStories
Summary: Peter meets a scarred man outside of his workplace as it's raining and shares his umbrella with him. This happens again. And again. And several more times.He would like it to go on record that he 100% did not encourage this but that would be a lie.





	1. Your Rain on My Skin

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This will be a 3 parter most likely with an epilogue too. The next update will come either this week or the next, depending on how many people like it haha. I prioritize what to write for based on demand xD And yes there will be a happy ending!!
> 
> [This beautiful song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Pl8CzNzCw) is the theme song for this entire fic. Please do listen to it when you're reading ;) The title is also a lyric from it. 
> 
> I recently got into spideypool and I swear this fic will be the death of me. I'm so nervous to be posting this as it has been an idea I've had for a while now. 
> 
> Edit: Now beta-ed by the ever amazing [Neonbat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neonbat/pseuds/Neonbat)!
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy this fic!

“I wonder what the weather’s like today?” Peter muttered absently to himself as he stepped through the automatic sliding doors. Standing underneath the awning in front of the building he felt a shiver run up his spine, the cold wind harsh against his skin. He only had a thin layer of clothes on and nothing else but his ever present camera looped around his neck.

The Daily Bugle wasn’t the best place to work at, but it paid the bills. Mostly, he was sent on treks across the city, taking pictures of accidents and crimes. It had an element of danger to it, yet he wouldn’t change anything about his job. Well…maybe he’d want a boss with less of a temper.

Despite Jamesons’ constant yelling, Peter did love his job. By covering controversial issues he was bringing attention to those who needed help. Most of the time, his articles and pictures garnered sympathy for unfortunate victims. It made him happy, making a difference in the world.

“I think it might rain.”

The voice came out of nowhere and Peter startled, his heart racing. It took him a moment to understand that the voice was answering his question. He turned to the side, finally noticing the man that hadn’t been there before. He was facing forward, his face obscured by a dark hoodie.

It wasn’t until he turned his face towards Peter, that he noticed the scars.

They looked painful and raw. Most of them were dry from the wind and it left the man’s face full of random pits and red bumps. He looked like a burn victim and Peter wasn’t sure how the man was even standing. His skin was taut with disfiguration and Peter wasn’t a doctor but even he could tell that there was probably a lot of nerve damage.

But the scars were something Peter distantly took note of. Despite how much they stood out against his skin, what caught Peter’s gaze were those beautiful bright blue eyes. They reminded him of ice, of clear skies and the endless depths of the ocean. There was a mischievousness in them, though they slowly darkened with resignation the longer Peter stared.

Peter held his gaze for a second too long before quickly casting his eyes downwards. He scolded himself internally. Aunt May had taught him better manners than this.

“Sorry,” Peter quickly murmured, biting his bottom lip as he tried to push past his social awkwardness to apologize. A look of shock crossed the man’s face, before quickly smoothing out into barely restrained excitement. Peter figured that the surprise was because most people didn’t apologize for their rudeness. He knew that it couldn’t be easy, having a visibly disability. People tended to be cruel, and he could only imagine what this man had been through and how the public treated him.

“Don’t worry about it, sweet cheeks. Not many people can handle a mug as handsome as this.” The man joked as he gestured to his face, a self-deprecating tilt on his lips.

Peter looked up, frowning as he resisted the urge to defend the man from his own callous words. However, he was only a stranger. It was not his place to say anything.

Instead, he took a deep breath and faced forward again, watching the cars on the street drive by with increasing speed. A horn blared loudly, and Peter was hit with a surge of nostalgia for the place that he’d grown up in.

New York took some getting used to, but it was his home.

“Why do you think it’ll rain?” Peter asked, bravely forging on and determined to keep up the conversation. Hopefully it would salvage the awkward situation.

The man shrugged, a distant look in his eyes.

“It usually does, when I’m around,” He was silent for a few moments, and Peter didn’t know him that well yet, but he could tell that was a rare occurrence. Abruptly, he smiled, turning to Peter and reaching an equally scarred hand out for him to shake. It was disorienting, especially with how fast this man changed his moods. “The name’s Wade. You don’t have to tell me your name. I can just call you baby boy.”

Wade winked at him, and Peter sighed, a wry smile on his lips. He couldn’t help it, there was something about Wade that both exasperated and amused him.

He shook Wade’s hand, not minding the uneven texture. Wade looked blissful, shaking hands with him. Poor man probably had people constantly avoiding him, if a handshake was enough to make him this happy.

“Please, just call me Peter.” He responded dryly, already knowing it was a lost cause.

“Whatever you say Petey,” He sang in a high pitched voice. Wade didn’t seem completely stable, but Peter didn’t mind.

A droplet of water fell on his face, and Peter blinked, lifting his head up and squinting at the cloudy grey skies. They were mostly covered from the small droplets by the awning, but the wind blew the water onto them anyways.

His hand clenched tightly around his blue and red umbrella, grateful that Aunt May had forced him to bring it. He didn’t live with her anymore. Both her and Uncle Ben had cried when he decided to move out, but he didn’t have much of a choice. He couldn’t afford a car and the commute between their apartment and his work was starting to drain him.

He’d moved to a small apartment near the Daily Bugle that was within walking distance. So far, it proved to be a good choice. At least now he could get more sleep.

“Ah,” Wade sighed, his chapped lips tilting up into a content smile. “I love rain.”

He reached a hand out, letting the water droplets gather in his palms. They slid past his dips and scars, caressing gently as a lover might. It looked peaceful, in a way that Peter could never understand.

Distracted, Peter didn’t speak, his soft gaze on this mysterious man.

Wade cleared his throat, pulling his hand back in and tucking it into his hoodie pocket. He ducked his head down, the hood covering his face in shadows.

“Well then, I’ll get out of your way. I’m sure you have places to be, people to meet…It was nice talking to you, baby boy.” His voice was soft, a broken cadence in it that unsettled Peter. Wade started walking out of the awning and into the rain, uncaring of the way it soaked through his hoodie almost instantly.

Against his better judgement, Peter called out.

“Wait!”

Wade actually obeyed, turning around, a cautious hope in his tense body.

“I can…I can walk you home? If it’s not too far,” Peter forced the words out. Every part of him screamed stranger danger but a larger part of him didn’t want their time together to end. Peter lifted up his umbrella tentatively, an encouraging smile on his lips. “We can share?”

Wade only hesitated for a moment before nodding shyly, a happy grin on his face as he bounced back over like an excitable puppy.

“Such a strong young man,” He cooed teasingly. “Are you here to escort this damsel in distress? Save me from this awful rain?” Wade swooned dramatically and Peter dodged to the side before he could collapse on him.

Wade pouted at him, but quickly recovered.

Peter rolled his eyes, suppressing his laughter at Wade’s antics. This man was definitely strange but he couldn’t let him walk alone in the rain when he had an umbrella to share.

“Come on, it’s getting late.” Peter didn’t know for sure what time it was. The clouds blocked most light, and it left the world muted and grey. Thunder rumbled in the distance and Peter sighed as it started really pouring.

Peter reached down and opened up his umbrella. He lifted it up above their heads, and didn’t complain when Wade surreptitiously scooted closer. They were slightly touching shoulders. Wade was probably cold as well, because Peter felt no hint of warmth from the larger man.

They stepped out into the rain together, and Wade started chattering along. Peter nodded as he tried to keep up, entertained by the weird tangents and vast pop culture knowledge Wade had.

“So Petey, do you work for the Daily Bugle? I heard they’re a tabloid that slanders innocent people. Didn’t peg you for the gossiping type. Me, on the other hand, I love that shit.”

Wade sent him a thumbs up and a shit eating grin. If it wasn’t for Wade’s words, Peter would have laughed.

As it was, the reporter frowned, his brows furrowing at the scarred man’s implications.

“I don’t write articles like that.” Peter finally explained, his words slow and measured. “Yes, it’s true that our newspaper is mostly tabloids, but I write about cases and accidents around the neighborhood.”

Peter was proud of his job, even though MJ always said that his talent was wasted on a trashy newspaper like the Daily Bugle. Still, if he wasn’t there to write about the things that mattered, no one would. It was true he got paid less than others because his articles were less popular. Most of the writers chose to work in the gossip rags, their job basically consisting of stalking celebrities.

Wade made a humming sound in the back of his throat, glancing at Peter out of the corner of his eyes before training them forward again.

“That’s too bad. I’m sure you would have had some wild stories to tell if you were part of the paparazzi.”

Peter let out a huff of laughter, his eyes crinkling in amusement as he adjusted his grip on the umbrella.

“Hey, I would assume that working cases such as robberies or accidents would mean I have more to tell than some stalking paps.”

Wade smirked before placing a hand on Peter’s arm. He squeezed his bicep and Peter stopped in his tracks.

“Oh? Then what stories do you have to tell? Are you secretly a hero who swoops in and saves unsuspecting citizens?” Wade suddenly slapped both hands onto his scarred cheeks, a mock shocked look on his face. “Are you Superman?! It all checks out. The glasses, the reporter job, that delicious ass…”

Peter swat at Wade, though the man quickly dodged away, momentarily allowing the rain to fall on him. He ducked back under the umbrella with a chuckle when he saw that Peter wasn’t truly irritated.

As they walked, Wade would redirect Peter with a gentle hand in the crook of his elbow. The neighborhood they were heading towards was near Peter’s apartment, and he vaguely wondered why he’d never seen Wade before. He really stood out. But then again, he’d only recently moved here.

Wade cheerfully chattered on, and Peter could only listen fondly.

“Has anyone ever told you that you talk too much?” Peter complained with a smile and a twinkle in his eyes, knowing that Wade would be able to tell he was just teasing.

“Oh, all the time.”

Peter opened his mouth, intent on continuing their banter, when Wade came to a stop. He slowed down as well, his lips tilted downwards and a slight confused furrow in his brows.

“We’re here.” Wade threw an arm out with a flourish, indicating a modest looking apartment building. He bit his bottom lip nervously as he rocked back and forth on his heels, hands shoved into his hoodie pockets.

Peter raised an eyebrow at that, taking note of the ruined building next to the one Wade lived in.

“You live here?” Peter couldn’t help but question, a note of worry in his voice. “There was a horrible fire here a few months back.”

“Yeah, I know.” Wade’s words were strange to Peter, his voice tense with bitter anger. Peter hoped that Wade didn’t know anyone who had died in the fire, that would be truly tragic.

Peter shook himself out of the contemplative daze he’d fallen into, instead taking it upon himself to escort the man to the apartment doors.

“Well I’m glad you weren’t injured, being so close to it,” Peter let out a sigh of relief, though his shoulders hunched, remembering the horrible accident. “I was in charge of covering the incident. It was…hard to stomach.”

He remembered the accident vividly, how it had smelled more of burnt meat than burnt wood. He had watched, trying his hardest to stay detached and professional as he took notes and pictures. There had been so many bodies, more than usual.

When he finally went home for the day, he’d cried for the lives that had been lost. It always ate at him, arriving at the scenes of accidents and knowing that he was helpless to stop it. He could do nothing but report on it, letting the world know of these tragedies so they’d be more careful in their day to day lives.

The cause was a broken gas line, though some of the surviving residents expressed disbelief at that. They had never had an issue with the pipes in the building, so this whole accident seemed very sudden to them.

Wade only shrugged at his words, looking away with something akin to discomfort in his dark eyes.

“It is what it is.”

Peter felt unsure how to proceed. The jovial man he’d walked with was now drawn in a fragile light, a darkness there that he couldn’t hope to penetrate.

“Hey, I’m sure it was difficult to be here because of your…” Peter gestured to Wade’s scars, though a part of him wanted to immediately punch himself in the face. He had absolutely no tact and he probably just insulted someone he actually wanted to be friends with. Aside from MJ, Gwen and Harry, he had little to no friends. He’d never met anyone like Wade, whom he’d instantly felt a connection with.

His intentions had been to comfort Wade, but he knew he failed when a grimace crossed Wade’s face.

“Yeah…” Wade muttered, curling into himself and turning towards the door as if he wanted to escape the situation.

“Hey,” Peter reached out a hand, gently placing it on Wade’s shoulder. “I’m glad you’re here.”

He wanted to say so much more but couldn’t find the words. He was happy that Wade survived whatever caused those scars. He was happy that the man had decided to talk to him, providing him with the best company he’s had in days.

Wade paused in thought, his teeth pressed against his bottom lip as his forehead crinkled. He was visibly conflicted and Peter wanted to erase that unease away.

Before he could say anything, Wade managed to shake himself out of the stupor he’d fallen into, a practiced grin crossing his face. “Well, this is the end of my journey. Thank you for escorting me, baby boy. I’ll never forget this kind deed.”

Wade clasped his hands to the side of his face and raised up one leg in a classic pose as he made kissing sounds.

“Perhaps I can pay you back…?”

“Wade!” Peter shoved him away, flushing as Wade pretended to be mortified by the rejection. They both laughed, the rain pouring around them and creating an illusion of privacy.

Finally, they calmed down. Wade was reluctant to leave, a light smile on his lips. Peter felt the same way. He didn’t want to leave his new friend.

“If it’s okay with you, I could walk you the next time it rains too?” Peter finally brought up the courage to ask, his hands tightening into a white knuckled grip on his umbrella. They shook slightly from the pressure and he could see the way Wade’s eyes darted to his nervous grip, then back to Peter.

“If you’re ever in need of an escort in the rain, you can wait for me at my work building. I’d be happy to help.”

“Oh I need an escort alright, just not the type you’re offering,” Wade muttered to himself and Peter valiantly ignored the comment.

Wade seemed to have a brief internal struggle before sighing, raising a slightly wet hand to run down his face.

“Sure…” Wade agreed, hesitant and with his face drawn and tired. “No promises though, baby boy.”

“Of course,” Peter responded readily, a blindingly bright smile on his face. “I look forward to it.”

There were many rainy days in New York, and he hoped that would mean more days with Wade and his surprisingly pleasant company.

“Good bye for now!” Peter waved as he left Wade on the doorstep. The man waved back, the water falling down harder around them.

Peter quickly dashed across the street, going back the way he came as he headed towards his apartment a few blocks down.

When he turned around to get one last glimpse of Wade, he was gone.

Shaking away the chill he felt down his spine, he held on tight to his umbrella and began the lonely trek back home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I hope you guys enjoyed my first spideypool fic lol. Again, it's basically all planned out and I wrote this all in one sitting so the next chapter should come out either next week or the week after. I can definitely be convinced to update earlier though ;) 
> 
> (Guys my only knowledge of Wade is from the movies and fics. Same for Peter. I hope I'm doing them justice *quivers in fear*)
> 
> If you enjoyed, please do leave a kudos and/or comment. It fuels my cold, dead heart. Thanks!
> 
> We have an amazing spideypool discord server that's open to everyone 18+. If anyone is interested in joining just follow this [tumblr post](https://mscaptainwinchester.tumblr.com/post/173625065976/are-you-as-gone-for-peter-parker-and-wade-wilson)! We'd be happy to have you <3 and it's a good way to meet other spideypool peeps.
> 
> You can find my tumblr [Here](http://lunastories.tumblr.com/). Feel free to drop by and say hi!


	2. Heart Made of Glass

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhhhh!! Thank you for the kind words on this fic I'm glad everyone has been enjoying it :) I promise to get back to all those lovely comments <3 
> 
> As you guys probably noticed...the chapter count is now up to 4 because it got longer haha... as it always does with my fics T_T Only one more chapter and an epilogue left! :) I will update in a week or two (sooner if ya'll want me to lol) 
> 
> [This beautiful song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Pl8CzNzCw) is the theme song for this entire fic. Please do listen to it when you're reading ;)
> 
> This fic is lovingly beta-ed by the ever awesome [Neonbat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neonbat/pseuds/Neonbat)!
> 
> Enjoy~

“Rainy again today?” Peter asked, a fond smile on his face as he stepped out of the building.

Wade turned around, a blinding grin on his face as he grabbed Peter and threw an arm around his shoulders. Despite Wade’s general bulky muscles badly hidden by his hoodie, he was always weightless, as if he was too afraid to touch Peter.

“I am here to take advantage of your escort services again, sweetheart.”

Peter felt himself flush at the nickname, clearing his throat and shoving Wade off of him and into the rain. Wade only threw his head back and laughed at Peter’s embarrassment, the rain sliding down his scarred skin in rivulets.

The cloudy skies slowly parted, just enough to allow a bit of sunlight, and Peter watched in wonder as the light caught on the shadows of Wade’s exposed neck. It made his soul ache, a want deep inside.

Peter’s scowl slowly evened out, eyes soft as he watched how carefree Wade could be.

It had taken him a while to get used to Wade’s crude humor and often self deprecating comments. Wade also took great joy in pushing Peter’s limits, teasing him just to get a rise out of him. Every rainy day, for the past few weeks, he could count on Wade waiting for him under the awning.

Rain used to be his least favorite type of weather, just another tedious part of life. It was especially annoying since he had to walk to and from work every day.

Now, he looked forward to rainy days and obsessively checked the weather reports. He was excited to the point of paranoia, always bringing an umbrella with him even if the weather reports said it would be sunny. That umbrella was his only reason for walking with Wade, and even though he knew that they were technically friends now, it was still an excuse that he held onto like a safety net.

As long as Wade needed him and his trusty umbrella, he would have Wade’s company.

“What’s wrong, Petey?” He felt a cold, wet hand touch his face, cupping his cheeks gently. Wade’s touch was always hesitant, as if he wasn’t sure he was allowed to touch Peter. It was a work in progress, but slowly, Wade was learning that Peter didn’t mind.

Peter turned his face into Wade’s palm, sighing and closing his eyes as he soaked in the sensation. Eventually he pulled away and gestured for Wade to follow him.

He opened his umbrella and in a well practiced move, Wade stepped under it on his right side. The man still looked worried and Peter knew he probably owed him an explanation.

They’d grown close over these walks, sharing favorite TV shows and books. Peter was cautious at first, but slowly started sharing stories about his life and things that happened on a day to day basis. Wade was a good listener, which was a shock at first. Still, Wade never reciprocated in kind. He rarely spoke about himself. It ate at Peter, knowing that Wade purposefully kept details of his life out of their conversations.

Wade felt temporary at times, as if he could disappear at any moment, like their friendship wasn’t enough to keep him around.

“Would you say we’re friends now?” Peter broached the topic carefully and with measured words, his body tense. He wanted so desperately to hear a confirmation.

Wade looked surprised and it was enough for Peter to feel his heart drop down to his stomach in disappointment.

“Do you…want to be friends?” Wade spoke hesitantly, his eyes trained forward and jaw clenched tight.

“Yes, Wade.” Peter huffed out impatiently, rolling his eyes. “I thought that was obvious.” He ignored the voice inside of him that said he was lying to himself. He didn’t want to be friends, he wanted more.

“Well I wouldn’t know. Maybe you get off on helping unsuspecting strangers. Or maybe you’re a serial killer just biding your time before you kill my poor defenseless self.” Wade sniffled dramatically at his last words, though his eyes shone with insecurity.

“Wade, we’ve talked about this. I’m not a serial killer. I just want to be your friend.” Peter was exasperated, bumping his shoulder with Wade’s in a gesture of comfort.

“Maybe…that makes more sense than wanting to be our friend. You never know! He could be sexy bait to lure me in.” Wade was muttering to himself again, and Peter had learned that the man appeared to have voices in his head. He never asked about it because he felt it would only make Wade defensive. It explained his paranoia and his sometimes unstable tangents.

He felt safe with Wade though, so he never let it bother him.

Peter waited it out as Wade argued with himself under his breath. Finally, he seemed to come to a conclusion with the voices in his head and lifted his head up. His confidence was fake, but Peter respected the effort.

“Of course, we’d be happy to have you as a friend. Requirements include an undying love for the Golden Girls and tacos every tuesday. Otherwise the deal is off.” Wade spoke with a low rumble, his voice deadly serious as he squinted at Peter.

“…Sure,” Peter agreed, slightly confused. Still, he grasped onto this opportunity, a shy smile on his face. “Maybe next time we could go to your place or mine and watch Golden Girls while eating tacos?” There was a hopeful lilt in his last few words. He kept his posture carefully relaxed. He didn’t want to scare Wade away by pushing too much.

Wade opened his mouth to respond, open joy on his face before his expression abruptly fell.

“Sorry, I’ll have to take a rain check on that baby boy. Heh, rain check.” Wade chuckled, but there was a note of pain in it. He sounded truly regretful and Peter didn’t want to push for too much too soon.

“Of course, next time then.” He smiled, though he couldn’t help the way frustration turned it into more of a grimace.

“Yeah…next time.” Wade spoke in a low murmur, eyes downcast and dejected.

It was said without conviction, and Peter felt his heart break a little at the fact that Wade might not want to hang out with him.

Peter straightened up out of the unintentional slump he’d fallen into, determined to not be a dick about this. If Wade needed time before he could get comfortable, he’d give it to him.

It was the least he could do.

“Come on, tell me about how much you love that one character…uhhh Dorothy or something.” Peter pulled Wade from his depressed thoughts, and he was quick to bounce back from it.

“Her name is Dorothy Zbornak and I’ll have you know she’s a god amongst mortals.” Deadpool sniffed haughtily, grinning when it made Peter laugh.

They finished the walk with their usual banter and teasing words. Everyday, Peter felt a little closer to Wade. He could only hope Wade felt the same.

Xxxxxx

It had been weeks of Peter giving Wade time, hoping he would open up to him. As time passed, he started getting the sinking feeling that Wade was not the type to say much about his personal life.

Though Wade talked a lot, it was all a defense mechanism. In truth, he never talked about the things that mattered. But Peter wanted to know more.

“Why don’t you ever talk about yourself?”

Peter watched out of the corner of his eye as Wade stiffened, a fake smile plastered on his face. He’d grown frustrated with the distance Wade put between them.

“Oh, if you knew about me you wouldn’t be here.” His voice was low and ominous, though he tried to play it off as a joke.

“I’ve told you about Gwen, about MJ and that messy breakup. I even told you that time Harry and I made out and then decided to never talk about it again.” Peter was growing increasingly irritated, listing off each incident on his fingers. He jostled the umbrella, uncaring that the rain fell on him as it swayed unsteadily. “But all I know about you is where you live and that you like Mexican food. Come on Wade, we’re friends aren’t we?”

Peter felt like he was begging, and that only saddened him more. He shouldn’t have to pry for more information. A friendship worked both ways. If Wade wasn’t willing to share parts of himself then this wouldn’t work out.

Wade pulled the hood on his hoodie higher, hiding his face in the shadows cast by it. The rain around them lessened for a moment, just enough for Peter to hear Wade’s broken whisper. “I don’t want to lose you.”

Peter stopped in his tracks, turning till he was facing Wade. They were at his doorstep, in front of the apartment building. All around them, the rain fell. A steady pitter patter that drowned out the honks of the cars on the street. It made this moment feel important, as if it was only them in this lonely world.

“I won’t,” Peter put his hand on Wade’s; they were hanging limply by his sides, and he barely stopped himself from flinching away when Peter grabbed his hand. “Wade, I won’t leave you.”

Wade didn’t speak and for a moment Peter thought that he was going to be pushed away again. He couldn’t help the flood of relief he felt when Wade turned his hand palm up until he could grasp Peter’s hand tightly.

“My family was small. It was just me, my Ma and Pa. I like to think it was a blessing that I didn’t have any other siblings.”

“And why’s that?” Peter asked curiously, voice soft and encouraging.

Wade looked down at the wet ground, his shoes old and worn. The pavement was always full of puddles and pits that he liked to step in for fun which probably didn’t help the state of his shoes.

Wade shrugged, the very picture of practiced nonchalance.

“Well, I figure if I had a sibling they’d have one more person to beat, you know?”

Wade kept walking and it wasn’t until he felt a tug on his hand that he stopped. He hadn’t realized they were still holding hands, though he was reluctant to let go.

“They what?” Peter’s voice was dangerously low, almost flat with how angry he appeared to be. His eyes were narrowed and dark, a feral expression painted across his face that Wade had only ever witnessed in mirrors. Wade had never seen him like this before, and he couldn’t deny he liked it.

He licked his lips, barely noticing the usual ridges from the scars.

“It’s fine Petey, they’re all dead now anyways.”

After all, he’d been the one to put them in their graves.

He watched with heated eyes as Peter struggled with himself for a long moment, it was seriously sexy how protective Peter was. Peter let out a huff of breath through his gritted teeth, before rolling his shoulders back and straightening up.

“Okay.” It was short and Wade could tell that Peter wasn’t as okay with it as he pretended to be. “I’m glad.”

Wade threw his head back and laughed, delighting in the way Peter pressed his lips together in mortification as his eyes darted off to the side then back to Wade.

“I-I’m sorry, that was probably rude of me-“

“Nah, it’s fine.” Wade grinned and pinched Peter’s cheek, knowing he hated that. “It’s cute seeing you get all angry for me. And hot.”

Peter groaned, and hid his face with the hand still holding the umbrella. It made Wade flush in pleasure, knowing that even with his need to hide his face, he didn’t break their hand holding.

“Right well, anything else you wanted to tell me?” Peter asked after a few more minutes of shoving each other and teasing.

Wade thought about it hard for a moment, humming as he did. He already felt exhausted just sharing this small fact with Peter. He was good at pretending he was relaxed and unaffected, but the truth was it’d taken a lot for him to talk about his past with Peter.

“Maybe another day.” Wade smiled at him, and when Peter flashed that adorable grin back, Wade knew everything would be okay.

xxxxxx

They were walking, pace slow as the rain fell around them.

Well, Peter was walking.

Wade was skipping ahead and splashing in puddles.

Peter rolled his eyes, a smile quirking his lips as he watched the glee on Wade’s face as he jumped into yet another muddy puddle.

“I don’t know why I even bother sharing my umbrella with you.” Peter called out, shaking his head in exasperation. “You end up wet anyways.”

Wade ran back over to him at full speed and Peter resisted the urge to cringe away when he was hit with a wet, full bodied hug. The umbrella wobbled a bit in his grasp and he let out a startled yelp when he almost toppled over.

“Wade!” Peter scolded him, shivering from how cold Wade was. The man was always cold. He should really get thicker clothes and stop walking in the rain. But then Peter wouldn’t have an excuse to walk with Wade and that would truly be unacceptable.

Wade pulled back, just enough so he was face to face with Peter and their noses were touching. Peter went a little cross eyed trying to see his face but he knew without looking that Wade was grinning wide. The rain made his scars less harsh, his face relaxed.

“Oh I’m always wet for you, Petey.” Wade cackled maniacally when Peter flushed a brilliant red. He smacked a wet kiss on Peter’s cheek and finally let him go. Wade was still smiling, a sparkle of pleasure in his eyes as he hummed and mumbled softly underneath his breath. Walking side by side with a mellowed out Wade, it made him breath a little easier.

“I’m glad we have this time together.” Peter spoke up, his thoughts on his past relationships and even the friendships he has now.

Wade looked curious, his head tilted to the side as he pushed the hood of his jacket down. It was wet anyways and and stuck roughly to his scars.

“I would think that someone like you would have better ways to spend your time than walking with me.” If those words were meant to be a joke they fell just a little short, Wade’s true insecurities shining through.

“Someone like you, is perfect for someone like me.” Peter retorted, glaring at Wade. He hated how Wade always acted like he was worthless. Peter treasured their time together, and he thought Wade would know by now there was no place he’d rather be.

Wade shrugged, looking away as he cleared his throat. He let out a harsh laugh, a darkness there that Peter wished he could erase. Though Wade had shared a few more details about his life here and there, it appeared the traumatized man was still mentally volatile. Some days he’d be open, others he would stay silent, only speaking when it was to argue with his voices.

“Right, and you know me so well.” It was mocking, and Peter felt himself bristle defensively.

“Not yet,” He amended, trying to keep his tone light and bury the trace of hurt he felt deep inside his heart. He thought they’d made some progress and he hated the way Wade still kept him at arms length sometimes. “I would if you’d let me.”

Wade was silent for a moment, in a way that Peter knew meant he was arguing with his boxes. He never understood why Wade called them boxes. He’d tried asking once and Wade had just responded with a cryptic and hard to understand explanation.

“Baby boy, you wouldn’t like me if you knew me.” Wade was tense, the growl in his voice lower than the usual lilting tone he tended to use. It made Peter want to hold him close and never let go. It made Wade feel dangerous, and it was moments like these that Peter remembered they were practically strangers to each other and barely friends.

Wade reminded him of a caged animal sometimes. The hoodie hid it well, but he knew that Wade was pure muscle underneath it. Still, he was never afraid of Wade. He couldn’t be. Not when Wade was arguably one of the kindest if not weirdest people he knew. There was an aura to him that screamed of innocence. Or maybe, it was a reflection of corrupted innocence, a part of his soul taken too early by all that he’s suffered through. Wade was comparable to a child at times, with an underlying hint of darkness.

Perhaps, a part of him liked the scent of danger on Wade. He was playing with fire and he knew it. Peter wanted to trust that Wade would never hurt him but even if he did...it would be because Peter wanted it.

Peter didn’t respond, his heart pounding as he tried to contain his unease and anticipation.

Finally, they arrived at Wade’s apartment building. Peter eye’s darted over to the burnt building next to it for a quick moment, unpleasant memories resurfacing. He was so grateful that he’d met Wade, that he was safe and by his side.

Maybe it was because of those memories, that made him a little bolder. He lifted his chin up challengingly, facing Wade, his umbrella held carefully between them.

“I want to know you.” Peter’s voice didn’t waver, his jaw clenched as he stared into Wade’s dark eyes.

Something snapped in Wade, and between one inhale and the next, Peter was slammed hard against the brick wall right next to the door. His umbrella fell from his grasp, and he gasped, unsure if his unsteady breathing was because of the hand on his throat, the sudden freezing rain on his skin, or the light throbbing pain in his spine.

Distantly, he was grateful he’d stopped taking his camera to work during rainy days, otherwise he’d be much more alarmed.

He blinked up into cold eyes, Wade’s face pulled into a savage snarl.

“What if I told you that I’ve killed people before?”

It was a whisper, and Peter inhaled shakily as Wade tightened his grip on his throat for a short moment.

“What if I told you that I killed people for money, for pleasure? That when I see the light die in their eyes and feel their blood on my hands all I want is _more_.”

Peter should have been scared, he should be running for his life right now. Maybe in the future, after a lot of therapy, he’d be able to joke with his friends about that one crazy asshole he’d tried to befriend on rainy days.

Somehow, he did none of that. Wade’s actions and words were meant to scare him away.

He couldn’t let that happen because when he looked into Wade’s eyes and heard his harsh words, he knew that Wade was terrified. Wade was shaking, the grip on his neck unsteady. Wade never seemed to be bothered by the freezing rain, so he knew it couldn’t be because of the cold. His eyes were dilated in panic and Peter felt a calm wash over him. Knowing that he was more scared than Peter could ever be was enough for him to realize he had an upper hand in this situation.

And so he slowly lifted up a hand and placed it on Wade’s. Carefully, he pulled Wade’s trembling hand away from his throat and turned it until he could lace their fingers together.

Wade was barely breathing, his chest rising and falling so shallowly Peter was concerned he was having some sort of panic attack. He was tense, not meeting Peter’s eyes.

“Well, I would be pretty disappointed in you.” Peter finally said, after he took a moment to gather his thoughts.

Wade pulled away then, a triumphant bitter grimace on his face as if he knew that Peter would reject him.

Peter pulled him back in, nestling him against his body and letting Wade press his full weight onto him. His hand was gently placed on the back of Wade’s neck, keeping Wade’s face pressed against his shoulder. He was hugging him loosely, and Wade hesitated for a moment before wrapping his arms around the smaller man in a tight grip.

“You didn’t let me finish. I’d be disappointed in you because you think so little of yourself.” Peter scolded, a smile on his lips as he tipped his head back and let it rest against the brick wall behind him. The rain was lighter now, just enough for him to feel the ticklish sensation of touch, but not hard enough to sting his skin. He blinked sluggishly, staring up at the cloudy skies. “I can believe that you’ve killed people. Hell, I can also believe that you’ve killed people for money. But what I refuse to believe is that you do it purely for pleasure.”

“You’d be wrong then.” Wade muttered, his voice muffled by Peter’s shoulder. It was said with little conviction, the tone of a petulant child. Peter chuckled as he lightly dragged the pads of his fingertips over Wade’s scalp, petting him.

There was another few moments of suspended peace as they were both lost in their own thoughts.

Peter had a firm moral code. No killing was pretty high on that list and befriending a murderer was never a viable option. Yet, the world wasn’t so black and white, was it?

He _knew_ Wade. Even if he didn’t know any details from his life, he still had a firm grasp of who Wade was at his core. It was enough for him to try and look past Wade’s issues. He wanted to be his friend, and he wanted so much more than that. It still bothered him, of course it did.

But for now, he could push that aside and just _breathe_.

“Maybe,” Peter took a deep breath, his chest brushing Wade’s as he inhaled. Wade always smelled like the rain, as if it covered every inch of him. It was the scent of metal, the heavy taste of smog and acid on the back of his throat. Underneath that, there was a purity to him, the water washing everything away. “Even if you did, you’d still be my friend.”

Peter turned his head to the side, closing his eyes as his lips brushed Wade’s ear.

“I’m here now.”

The implied _I’m not going anywhere_ , wasn’t said out loud, but Peter knew Wade understood his intentions. Wade was huge, practically engulfing him with the way he towered over him. But Peter was starting to see that Wade was more fragile than him, in every way except physical.

Wade shuddered in Peter’s hold, and before Peter could do something that would scare Wade away (such as kiss him), the building door opened.

They both froze, and Peter turned his head to the left to see an middle aged lady squinting at him in concern. She was in a nice coat and was holding an umbrella up, a bag in her other hand. She must be one of the residents of the apartment building.

“You alright there, young man?”

Peter let out a weak chuckle patting Wade’s back until the man reluctantly backed up and gave him space. He brushed himself off a little, knowing it was a lost cause when his wet hands encountered equally soppy clothes.

“Yeah I’m fine. I’ll just be on my way then.”

Peter grunted a little in pain as he straightened up, his body sore and stiff from being in the cold rain and staying in one position for so long.

He sent Wade a long look, knowing the lady was still staring at him with worry.

“Bye Wade, I’ll see you later.” Peter finally settled with those words, feeling like his words were lacking after such an intense interaction with Wade. The lady visibly startled, a hand flying up to cover her gaping mouth. Her eyes went to Wade, as if she just noticed him.

Peter gave Wade a little awkward wave and a polite nod to the still confused looking woman before heading back home.

God, all he wanted was a hot bath and a nap. He needed time to process this information.

Xxxxxx

The next few days were sunny and Peter hated himself a little when he breathed a sigh of relief at that. Wade hadn’t scared him, but he had certainly given him somewhat of an internal moral dilemma. He truly did like the man, but he wasn’t sure if he could accept the murderous part of Wade.

Still, he’d promised Wade he wasn’t going to leave him and he was determined to keep it. Maybe, what needed to change wasn’t Wade, but his own moral compass. He’d noticed the way Wade had spoken in the past tense about his job. Peter was hopeful that meant that Wade was no longer murdering people. As his friend, Peter would be disappointed in himself if Wade had been killing people while seeing him and he’d never noticed.

Wade was still a great friend, despite the bruises he’d received from the wall incident, as he liked to call it. He didn’t think it was okay, and he knew he’d have to confront Wade about boundaries and aggressive behavior, but a large part of him had _really_ enjoyed being pinned to the wall like that.

Maybe a bit too much.

He had definitely ranted to his friends about it and they’d all rolled their eyes. MJ in particular had told him to grow some balls and bang the guy. Gwen was a little less risqué with her suggestions but her solution was also along the same lines. Harry was confused as to why they hadn’t fucked each other yet.

His friends were horribly useless and he meant that in the fondest, most loving way.

Of course, he didn’t tell them about the whole murder issue. His overprotective friends would probably not take that well and he didn’t want to stop seeing Wade. He had to admit, he maybe had a bit of a danger kink. It was a heady realization, one that made a lot of sense in the light of day. He’d looked back on the incident and wanted to scold himself for being so reckless, but he wouldn’t change a single thing that happened.

The next rainy day was a week later, enough time for Peter to come to the firm conclusion that he would try to talk to Wade about the killing. He’d researched and learned that Wade was essentially a mercenary. Thus, he should be substantially wealthy if he was as good at his job as Peter suspected he was.

With that in mind, it should be rather easy to convince Wade to give up his mercenary job and pursue a less bloody profession. He didn’t want to change Wade, he just hoped that Wade would take his suggestion into consideration.

Mostly, he was concerned for Wade’s well being which said a lot about his priorities. Wade never spoke much about his scars, but Peter had an inkling that it was definitely connected to his mercenary job.

When he stepped through the building doors, he immediately swept the area with his eyes, hoping to see Wade.

He stood out, largely because everyone coming in and out of the building were wearing professional clothing while Wade was always wearing the same hoodie and jeans. That was also a quirk of Wade’s that Peter didn’t bother asking about, though he was curious. Somehow, despite wearing the same outfit everyday, Wade didn’t smell. So he had to assume the man was at least bathing and washing his clothes.

Wade was standing at his usual spot, posture hunched over and hands shoved deep into his jean pockets.

“Hey Wade.” His voice was soft so as to not startle the man, and he was rewarded with a tentative smile before it dropped again. Peter took a deep breath, reaching a hand out to gently touch Wade’s arm. “I was hoping you’d still meet me here.”

Peter had no way of contacting Wade if he ever decided to stop showing up. Peter had asked for his phone number early on but Wade had said he didn’t have a phone. That was certainly hard to believe but he would respect Wade’s implied reluctance to give him his contact information.

Of course, he knew where Wade lived but if the man stopped coming it was obvious he didn’t want to see Peter. It would be a huge invasion of privacy to show up at Wade’s doorstep demanding answers. Not to mention, it was totally a creepy stalker move.

“Yeah well, I don’t have much of a choice do I?” Wade grumbled, shrugging as he stepped out from under the awning. Peter struggled to keep up, quickly putting up his umbrella and stepping next to Wade. His words made Peter curious but he didn’t have time to ask because soon enough Wade was rambling about his favorite taco stand.

They both walked a familiar path and there was silence for a few moments. Wade’s words had stopped a few minutes ago, as if there was a lot on his mind and he couldn’t find the energy to continue his unaffected facade.

Wade took a deep breath before meeting Peter’s eyes, his gaze a shining blue in this otherwise grey and muted moment. He was determined to say something and Peter stopped in his tracks, hoping it would help Wade gather up the courage to say his part.

Around them, Peter heard car horns blaring, a familiar sound in New York. They were on a side street which luckily meant less people. That same metallic smell he’s come to associate with Wade was in the air. He knew logically that it was because this was the first rainfall after a solid week and the smell was just the smog pushed down onto the city by the pounding rain. It wasn’t romantic, and it was certainly unhealthy but he couldn’t help the way it reminded him of scarred men and growling voices.

Thunder sounded off in the distance and Peter blinked as a few moments later lightning flashed. A storm was approaching.

“I loved rainy days,” Wade blurted out, his voice slowly growing stronger as Peter gave him an encouraging hum. He reached out and tightened his grip on Wade’s hand, grounding him and helping him work through his dark thoughts. It was unspoken support, a willingness to listen and accept Wade for who he was. “That’s why I only come out when it’s raining. Back when I was in the hospital it made me feel a little less alone. I could hear it…”

Wade closed his eyes, a rarely seen peace taking over his expression. A light smile was on his face, and Peter wanted to touch his fingertips to Wade’s lips and feel the corners of his happiness.

“It drowned out the voices, the steady beeping, the anger. It made everything a little more bearable.”

Wade opened his eyes, an intensity in them that made Peter’s breath catch in his throat. He swallowed, and Wade’s gaze followed that movement, eyes hooded.

“I don’t think you can understand how it felt like to be trapped in your own body. To see, hear, and smell everything but unable to move a single muscle. It was agonizing.”

Silence fell around them, only broken by the light drizzling. The storm had passed, and slowly the clouds were drifting apart. Peter licked his dry lips, voice hoarse as he tried to think of something to say. His mind was caught on the way Wade phrased everything.

“‘Was’? So you’re better now?”

Wade let out a harsh bark of laughter, his grin brittle. It was unsettling and Peter suddenly didn’t want to hear what Wade had to say.

“I guess you could say that. It’s certainly better than living.”

He felt his blood run cold, Wade’s words barely registering. It couldn’t be…yet all indications point to it.

“Living…what do you mean by that?”

Wade dropped his grin, a sigh pulled out of him as he ran a shaky hand down his face.

“Sorry baby boy, I would have told you sooner but I couldn’t bring myself to lose you. Not when you’re the first person who’s been able to see me since the incident. But after last time…it might be better for you if we stopped seeing each other.”

Before Peter could demand answers, Wade stepped back. He tilted his head back, exhaling slowly as the rain stopped. It would have been a peaceful scene, if it wasn’t for Wade’s tense posture and clenched fists.

Peter felt wrong, like maybe he should say something, do something. His heart was pounding and there were tears in his eyes. He knew without looking that his hands were unsteady, barely holding onto the umbrella. There was a heavy sense of loss inside of him and he felt like Wade was slipping from his grasp.

The sun shone through the clouds and Peter stared in horror as Wade seemed to shift for a moment before slowly growing transparent.

He watched, eyes wide with lost opportunities and a future that they could have had. His grasp loosened. The umbrella fell, landing in a puddle next to him as he pressed a hand to his mouth to muffle his scream.

And just like that, Wade was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Haha please don't yell at me (pls do) but I promise ya'll a happy ending so no worries! I had a lot of fun writing this. There was a bunch of foreshadowing before the reveal and I see that a few of you in the comments caught it! Awesome job~
> 
> This is an early update because....*drum rolls* It's my bday today (June 8)!! I am now legallllll WHOOP I'm gonna get all the drinks >.> So this is a present for me and for everyone!! <3
> 
> I would appreciate any comments and kudos! It'll help feed my author thirst x'D
> 
> You can find my tumblr [Here](http://lunastories.tumblr.com/). Feel free to drop by and say hi!


	3. My Mind of Stone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Helloooo sorry for the long wait but real life problems happened T_T Please enjoy this next chapter which I whipped up right now and was beta-ed by the ever amazing [Neonbat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neonbat/pseuds/Neonbat). Seriously, thank you so much for last minute beta-ing and doing it so fast T^T You're a real trooper <3
> 
> [This beautiful song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Pl8CzNzCw) is the theme song for this entire fic. Please do listen to it when you're reading for maximum enjoyment ;)
> 
> To all those who've left me comments on the first two chapters thank you so much <3 It really lifts my spirits and makes me want to write more. I really appreciate it ^.^ 
> 
> Without further ado, please enjoy~

The days passed slowly.

Peter could taste the change in the air, the way it became dryer as time went on. He knew that soon, there wouldn’t be any rainy days.

After Wade had disappeared with the end of the last rainfall, he’d put together a vague understanding of Wade’s condition.

First, it seemed that Wade was connected to the rain and could only appear during rainy days.

Secondly, he was somehow the only one who could see and touch Wade. Thinking back, that explained a lot. The weird looks he’d received as he’d walked and chatted with Wade should have clued him in, but he’d always wrongly assumed they were because of Wade’s scars. So he’d ignored their rude reactions and focused on his friend. Now, he could see that it was because it looked like he was talking to air.

It had been a week since the reveal, a week of adjusting and reevaluating his entire existence. Mostly, he had to come to terms with the fact that not only did ghosts exist, but that he was slowly falling in love with one. He had so many questions, but most of all, he just missed Wade.

He stepped out of the building, head bowed and eyes clenched shut. It was raining. He could hear the quiet pitter patter of the rain against the asphalt, and a part of him was reluctant to raise his head up.

He was afraid that Wade wouldn’t be there waiting for him.

Peter took a deep breath before opening his eyes, his mouth set into a determined line.

He couldn’t help the hitch of relief in his breath when he saw a familiar silhouette against the dreary grey buildings. He ran towards Wade, forgetting to open his umbrella in the process.

“Wade…” Peter raised a hand up hesitantly, desperate to touch yet not sure if it was welcome.

Wade wouldn’t look at him, scuffing his shoes against the ground. His face was pinched and it made his scars pull together in a painful looking manner.

“Sorry, I tried not to come here but…I can’t control it. Whenever it rains I just end up waking up here.” Wade paused, sneaking a quick glance at Peter as he stuffed his scarred hands into his hoodie pocket. “I understand if you’re scared of me-“

Peter let out an indignant sound as he tugged Wade into a wet embrace.

“You absolute idiot.” Peter voice was fierce but gentle, barely audible as he pressed his face into Wade’s tense shoulder. “None of that matters. What you are…it doesn’t change the fact that I care about you.”

Wade slumped over in relief, wrapping Peter up in tight hug as his hands clasped the back of Peter’s soaked coat.

“I…thank you.” Wade wasn’t going to look a gift horse in the mouth. If Peter wanted to stay with him, to continue whatever this was, he wasn’t going to push him away. He was too lonely. When he’d been stuck in the hospital, unable to move because of the severe burns, he’d heard the comments from his nurses and the jokes they’d made at the expense of his appearance. At least then, their cruel words had been some sort of reaction. Now, it was like he didn’t exist.

He was on the brink of losing himself, when Peter had saved him that cold, rainy day.

“Now come on, you’re going to catch a cold like this.” Wade pushed Peter away gently, tapping Peter’s hand until he got the message and opened up the umbrella.

They walked through the streets as if nothing had changed, though both of them were acutely aware that nothing would be the same again.

After a few blocks, Peter reached a hand out and held Wade’s in his own. Other than a slight stuttering in his walking, Wade didn’t react and looked resolutely ahead, his rambling still going strong.

They reached Wade’s apartment soon after, and Peter glanced at the burned building next to it. He had an inkling as to how Wade ended up this way, but today had been an emotionally draining day. They could save the questions for another time.

“Well, this is it.” Wade squeezed Peter’s hand, reluctant to let go. “I’ll see you and that delicious ass next time.”

“I’ll stay with you.” Peter offered quietly, stepping closer, his head tilting up defiantly as if daring Wade to reject him. “I’ll stay until you go.”

Wade didn’t answer right away, distracted as he was by Peter’s bambi brown eyes and how close the other man was. Somehow, he had a feeling Peter wasn’t just offering to stay until the rain stopped. It felt like something deeper, a fragile promise.

He licked his lips nervously, the ridges on his scarred skin still something he wasn’t completely used to.

“Okay.” It was a hoarse whisper, one borne of a small hope that maybe they could make it through together. That maybe Wade deserved the kindness that Peter offered.

“Good.” Peter nodded, satisfied. He tipped his head back, shifting the umbrella a bit so he could have a clear view of the sky. “It seems the rain is stopping.”

“Yeah.” Wade breathed out, his gaze fixed on the shifting muscles of Peter’s throat, the way the cloudy skies seemed to play patterns across his face.

Peter was gorgeous and Wade realized with dawning resignation that he was so very fucked.

The boxes were already screaming all sorts of shit, digging up his insecurities and how disgusting he was compared to Peter. Because of course he’d fall in love with someone so sweet and kind, someone he didn’t deserve, after his untimely death.

Life was a bitch, but it seemed the afterlife was no better.

“Wade.”

Broken out of his self-loathing, Wade tuned in just in time to let out a startled yelp.

His back hit the apartment wall and he gasped as Peter held his face gently, lips pressed against his in a tender kiss. He was frozen in shock as Peter gave his lips a few kitten licks, tasting the rain on his skin.

The umbrella had dropped to the side, forgotten as Peter tangled his hand with Wade’s.

Peter sighed as he opened his eyes slowly, and took in Wade’s flabbergasted look. A smirk of amusement filled his lips as he pressed their foreheads together.

“I’ll see you next time.”

Peter watched as Wade slowly faded away, the sun breaking through the clouds as the rain stopped. He watched until there was nothing left and the man he’d held so tenderly, disappeared.

He closed his eyes tight, freaking out a little as he tried to process what he’d just done.

He’d kissed Wade.

This was either the worst mistake he’d ever made or the best. Either way, he couldn’t find it in himself to regret it.

Life was too damn short. One of them was already dead. Fuck it.

Peter let out a slightly hysterical laugh, tears prickling his eyes as he picked up his umbrella.

Before Wade, he’d been the type who valued routine. It seemed that Wade pulled out the most impulsive parts of him. It was exhilarating.

Xxxxxx

The next time they met, Wade had taken one look at him and grimaced before speaking.

“We can pretend it never happened.”

Peter watched him carefully, noting the hood that covered Wade’s head and the way he seemed to slump dejectedly. It hurt, but most of all, he wanted to make sure he respected Wade’s feelings.

“Is that what you want?”

Wade opened his mouth with a lie on the tip of his tongue. At Peter’s warning look, he closed his mouth quickly, thinking better of it. Finally, he sighed, a hand coming up to pull the hood down.

“No, I don’t want to forget. I was just giving you a chance to back out.”

Peter smiled then, stepping close enough to grab Wade’s hand.

“Well I don’t need it. Let’s go.”

After that, it was surprisingly easy.

They never put a label on it, but they were both content with the pace of their newfound relationship. It’d been a long time coming, something that had built up underneath their steady friendship and soft looks.

They still exchanged kisses, mostly light pecks that never lead to more, but they enjoyed the company more than the physical aspects.

It wasn’t long before Peter asked the questions Wade feared.

“You don’t have to answer me if you don’t want to, but…I would like to know how you died.” Peter was hesitant, his teeth biting into his bottom lip as he stared down at the ground. Sometimes, Wade was volatile, and he didn’t want to set him off into a depressive spiral.

Wade shrugged, nonchalant as they arrived at his building.

“Now that’s something I don’t mind telling you, Petey pie. I think you deserve to know.”

Peter met his eyes, an unspoken reassurance and support in them as he listened.

“As you know, I’m a mercenary.” Wade paused, his lips tilting up in a sad smile at the grimace that marred Peter’s face at the reminder of Wade’s job. “Well, ex-mercenary since I’m dead now. Of course, that meant I had a shit ton of enemies. Living wasn’t all chimichangas, unicorn sex and rolling around in that mad cash.”

Peter rolled his eyes at Wade’s antics letting out a little laugh at Wade’s over the top descriptions.

“I guess I bit off more than I could chew because one fine morning I was jerking off to some quality taco porn and the next, boom!” Wade waved his hands dramatically, almost smacking Peter’s face in the process. “Anyways, my apartment building lit up like a bad Fourth of July accident and I ended up miraculously surviving. Can’t say the same for all the other poor fucks who lived in the same building.”

Wade threw a thumb over his shoulder, gesturing at the decrepit and water logged building next to the one that Wade had initially claimed was his.

“I ended up in a sort of coma in the hospital. I don’t remember much of it. Mostly, it was pain and some crude comments on my sexy Freddy Krueger face. Of course, seeing as I never woke up and eventually died, I wasn’t able to confirm if I truly looked like a rotten pizza slice had sex with a shredder.”

Peter wrinkled his nose in distaste at that, indignant and angry that the people at the hospital had been cruel enough to say such things.

Wade shrugged, not bothered by the comments as much as Peter seemed to be. After all, he hadn’t been there long before kicking the bucket.

“In between the burning pain and annoying as fuck beeping sounds, the rain outside was the only thing I could hear. It was a nice relaxing break from all the hustle and bustle of the hospital. Eventually I died I guess, because one day I was just out in the rain and no one could see me.”

“That sounds horrible.” Peter cupped Wade’s face in his hand, brushing his thumb under the man’s eye. It was something his aunt used to do to comfort him.

“It was bad at first but at least it was better than being alive. I was so angry and lost. The boxes made everything worse and I couldn’t even kill myself,” Peter’s hand tightened on his face, nails digging in before he could stop himself. “Don’t worry sweetheart, I can’t die again. Already dead remember?”

Wade carefully took Peter’s hand away from his face, shifting it until they were clasped together.

“When I met you, I felt like I could breathe again.”

Wade sighed, stepping in close until he could lean down and press a kiss to Peter’s lips. He placed his hands on Peter’s hips, loving the way they fit so perfectly in his palms. Peter still seemed sad, his face pinched.

“Hey, it’s okay,” His voice was soft as he pressed another kiss to those lips that he always wanted to ravish. “I have you now. We’ll be okay.”

“Yeah,” Peter let out a shaky breath, closing his eyes tight as he pressed his face into Wade’s neck. Wade always had no body heat and little to no presence, as if he could disappear at any moment. It left Peter feeling unsettled, always on the brink of losing it. He loved Wade so much and despite Wade’s past, the man meant everything to him.

It made his heart clench tightly, knowing that this fragile balance between life and death couldn’t last forever.

He doesn’t know if he will survive Wade leaving him.

Xxxxxx

The next time it rained, it stormed.

Despite the gloomy day, Peter and Wade carried on their usual routine. A coworker had offered a ride to Peter but he’d politely declined.

Within his workplace he’d become known as a good worker with slightly weird habits. No matter how hard it rained, he would always walk home. Especially if it rained. In fact, sometimes he would take the cab back home on sunny days. But if it was raining, there was a guaranteed chance that they’d find Peter walking in the rain, talking and laughing by himself.

Peter knew how his coworkers thought of him. They’d asked questions he couldn’t answer without looking insane. Instead, he had settled with distancing himself from them. He was aware of their concerned and sometimes sympathetic looks but he ignored all of it. Nothing was more important than spending time with Wade.

The rainy days were growing shorter, the air warmer with the approach of sunny weather.

Soon…

He didn’t want to think about it. He would just have to enjoy his time with Wade as much as possible.

It had been a week since their last meeting and Peter eagerly jumped into Wade’s arms as he raced out of the building. Laughing, he hugged Wade close. Wade was noticeably more muscular and larger than him. Wrapped up in the ex-mercenary’s arms, he felt safe.

“Woah there,” Wade grunted with a wide grin. “I see you missed me.”

Instead of answering, Peter pulled Wade down into a bruising kiss, biting at his lips harshly.

Wade groaned, pressing into it just as fiercely.

After some much needed catching up, they separated and held hands as they walked through the rain.

Peter honestly didn’t know why he bothered with an umbrella these days. Most of the time, he was so eager to get his hands on Wade that he always forgot to open up the umbrella first. This time was no different. He was soaked through and since Wade had no heat, he was left shivering.

“You’re really going to catch a cold at this rate.” Wade chastised as he pulled Peter in close, an arm around his shoulders.

“Then you can just come and take care of me.” Peter sniped back, a grin on his lips. There was an awkward silence and Peter’s smile fell as he realized what he’d said.

“Sorry baby boy.” Wade squeezed the hand he had on Peter’s shoulder, hating the resigned look in Peter’s eyes. They knew that a normal relationship was something they could never have. Wade and Peter would never be able to have dates, or even just sit together. Wade would never meet Peter’s family and friends.

Peter pulled himself together, putting up a brave front as he tilted his head to the side and pressed a kiss to Wade’s hand. “It’s okay.”

It wasn’t, but they both ignored the lie.

Wade took the opportunity to talk about the weapons he’d had as a mercenary, knowing that Peter was actually interested in the technology even if he hated violence.

Peter listened with a soft smile, his heart breaking. Slowly, the longing for more, for longer than just one day or a few hours, consumed him. It ate at him, his greediness leaving him empty and unsatisfied.

Xxxxxx

This time it was two weeks.

Two weeks without Wade and his less than subtle attempts to grope Peter’s ass. Two weeks of silence as he walked alone to his empty apartment.

It was agonizing.

With rain came anticipation. Peter was almost bouncing in his seat, too distracted to work on the article he was in charge of.

After what felt like forever, it was time for him to go.

He grabbed his stuff and made a hasty retreat, his coworkers already used to his antics.

Again, he couldn’t help but leap into Wade’s arms. He peppered him with kisses, both of them grinning hard.

“I missed you.”

Wade looked surprised at his words, as he always did when Peter showed just how much he cared for him. He would have to try harder to love Wade, until the man was used to the affection. He deserved everything.

A soft smile bloomed on his face, the corners of his scarred eyes crinkling in joy.

“Love you too, baby boy.”

It was so easy to love each other. Their interactions were a breath of fresh air to Peter. He kissed Wade deeply, letting him know through his actions that he felt the same, that he felt too much for the man.

“Come on, I have to tell you about my day at the office. It was pretty interesting this time.” Peter grabbed Wade’s hand and opened up the umbrella, once again soaked through because of the rain.

They chattered along happily, Wade content with listening to Peter ramble on.

Just like this, another rainy day went by.

Xxxxxx

Most days, Peter was happy with his time with Wade.

Still, he had his off days, as did Wade.

When he left the office that rainy day, it had only been three days since he last saw Wade. It seemed that a storm was blowing in and there would be more rainy days these coming weeks. He wanted to be happy, he really did.

But a larger part of him couldn’t help but dread the sun and the clear days it brought. Their days were numbered, and he felt it more acutely as the weeks went by.

He was quiet as he walked up to Wade, the man’s smile dropping when he saw the dejected slump of Peter’s shoulders.

They kept silent, the tension growing as they walked a familiar route to Wade’s place.

Finally, Wade hesitantly spoke.

“Is everything okay? Bad day at the office? Need me to kill anyone?” Wade was only half-joking but Peter didn’t need to know that. He was pretty sure he could find a way to kill someone, even if he was dead. Probably. Where there was a will, there was a way, as people liked to say.

Peter didn’t take the bait, shaking his head as he walked just a little faster.

Wade paused, left behind in the pouring rain as he watched Peter shuffle along.

Peter was someone that meant more to Wade than life itself. His eyes traced that delectable ass, the curve of his back, and his broad shoulders. He couldn’t help the pang of regret in him, knowing that such a beautiful kind man was stuck with someone like him. He would never be able to give Peter what he wanted.

Peter stopped in his tracks, realizing too late that Wade wasn’t following.

He turned around, the both of them standing on the street, a few feet apart as the rain continued falling around them. The clouds shifted, the sun flickering through weakly, and Wade seemed to grow transparent for a moment before solidifying again.

From an outsider’s point of view, Peter was staring at nothing, his hands tight on his umbrella as he struggled not to cry.

To Wade, he looked lost. Just as hurt as Wade had been all those days without Peter. Whenever he disappeared, he didn’t feel the passing of time like Peter did. Every waking moment where he’d been aware, Peter was there with him.

He knew it must be difficult, constantly waiting for the one you loved, not knowing when you could meet them again. It must hurt, and he hated himself a little knowing he was the cause of Peter’s pain.

“Do you believe in life after death?” Peter’s voice was hoarse, barely a whisper through the pouring rain and harsh winds.

Wade tilted his head to the side, confused.

“I mean…I’m a ghost so I would assume there’s life after death.”

He wasn’t sure where Peter was going with this. The man seemed to be in pain, one hand holding the umbrella as his other arm wrapped around himself, as if trying to hold in the sadness he felt.

“Wade…if I die, will I be with you?”

Ah, suddenly Wade understood. When he looked into Peter’s eyes, swimming with tears, he hated that he saw himself reflected in them. He’d craved death as well, and even when he got it, it wasn’t as peaceful as he had hoped. It wasn’t the end that he had wished for.

Wade was silent, and Peter continued speaking, taking small steps towards Wade.

“I’m scared, Wade. I’m scared of dying, but most of all, I’m scared of losing you. Will you be there when I die? Will I be with you if I do? I…I don’t know, and that’s…I can’t-“ Peter let out a sob, a hand coming up to cup over his mouth as he tried to hold in his tears.

Wade walked the remaining distance towards him, pulling Peter close and nestling him in his embrace. He could feel how Peter trembled against him, shoulders shaking as he cried.

He’d never meant for it to end up like this. All he wanted was to love Peter, to cherish him.

Instead, they were stuck in this fucked up situation where one was alive and the other dead. Maybe he shouldn’t have reciprocated Peter’s love, but he knew he was too damn selfish to let go of someone like Peter. He was too selfish to reject the love that Peter freely gave him.

And now, they were stuck in this limbo, neither able to move on.

“I’m sorry.” Wade sighed as he rested his chin against the top of Peter’s head, pressing a kiss to the wet hair as he did.

Peter sniffled before pulling back, meeting Wade’s eyes with a swollen, red rimmed gaze.

“What for?”

Wade closed his eyes for a moment, letting out a shaky breath, his emotions threatening to drown him.

“For falling in love with the wrong person.”

Peter opened his mouth to protest, anger in his furrowed brows before Wade stopped him with a hand over his mouth. He knew Peter wanted to defend him, but he needed the man to understand where he was coming from.

Once he was certain Peter wouldn’t interrupt him, he moved his hand to Peter’s hip, holding him close.

“I know intimately the desire to die and I don’t want that for you.”

Peter looked down at Wade’s chest, guilt gnawing at him as he clenched his fists in Wade’s hoodie.

“A love where you want to die, it’s not something healthy or normal. In the hospital, when I laid in pain every day, I wished for death. I wanted to die so badly. Even before the burns, I sometimes found myself on the receiving end of my own gun. The mercenary job isn’t all it’s cut out to be. But I think…”

Wade trailed off, using his free hand to lift up Peter’s face, a finger under his chin.

They stared deep into each other’s eyes, as if trying to remember this moment.

“I think, maybe you’re the only one who can see me because I needed closure in order to move on. I think that, for the first time, you make me want to live.”

Wade sighed, a smile on his lips as he pressed a kiss to Peter’s slack lips.

“Life is worth living, if I can have you.”

Peter was distantly aware that the rain had stopped around them. He pressed close, his tears giving their hungry kisses a salty tang. He wanted to say the words. He wanted his kisses to convey just how much he loved Wade.

Eventually, his hands fell forward, nothing there to hold it steady.

He opened his eyes, and Wade was gone.

The next day it rained, but Wade was nowhere to be found.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right so....there is definitely a happy ending! Never fear <3 In the mean time it's an angst fest haha. 
> 
> Comments and kudos feed my cold, dead heart. Any would be appreciated!! As always, if you guys liked it let me know and I'll update earlier. For now, the projected upload date for the last chapter/epilogue will be in a week or two :) 
> 
> You can find my tumblr [Here](http://lunastories.tumblr.com/). Feel free to drop by and say hi!


	4. Welcome Home

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this is it guys. Thank you so much for the continued support and I hope you'll enjoy the end of this rainy story! Here is the promised happy ending ;) 
> 
> I would like to thank [Neonbat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Neonbat/pseuds/Neonbat) for going with me on this journey and beta-reading my fic when I ask them randomly and without warning. They're such a trooper for doing this <3 
> 
> Many thanks to the ever supportive [jdragon122](https://jdragon122.tumblr.com/) for encouraging me and putting up with my screaming as I stress about finishing this fic. 
> 
> As always, please listen to [this beautiful song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1Pl8CzNzCw) as you read for maximum feels!

It’s been six months, five days and three hours since he’s last seen Wade.

Not that he was counting.

At first, he’d been happy for Wade. He really was. Ironically enough, Peter’s love was what allowed Wade to move on.

His love was what separated them.

It hurt sometimes. His heart ached on rainy days, his body heavy with grief and loneliness.

He no longer walked home on rainy days. His friends had noticed his melancholic mood and started driving him home when they could. When they couldn’t, he would take the bus.

He was grateful to them for trying so hard, yet whenever they asked him what was wrong, he couldn’t answer. How was he supposed to explain that he felt angry that Wade had left him?

That he felt betrayed and almost guilty for feeling this way? It was so selfish of him. He should be happy that Wade was in a better place now, wherever that may be.

It just hurt that that place was not by his side.

xxxxxx

“Hi Aunt May,” Peter took off his coat and hung it on the worn coat rack, the wood creaking under the weight of it. He smiled as she pulled him in for a tight hug and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Peter! I didn’t expect you today,” She bustled around, her greying hair reflecting the fluorescent lights as she grabbed a plate for him. There was a plate there already, filled with food, and Peter realized a little belatedly that he’d interrupted her dinner.

“Sorry Aunt May,” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly, his eyes darting to the still open front door. “I can come back next time if now is not a good time.”

“Nonsense,” She shushed him as she practically took him hostage in her strong grip and guided him down to a chair by his shoulders. “You’re too skinny for your own good. You came at the perfect time! I just made some lasagna and I know how much you like it.”

Before he could protest, a plate with a generous helping of lasagna was placed in front of him. Sighing fondly, he dug in after a quick thanks, knowing he wouldn’t be able to escape even if he wanted to.

“So what brought you here today?”

Peter’s chewing slowed to a stop as he shot her an innocent look. His eyebrow went up in a questioning tilt, trying to seem unaffected by her question.

“Oh don’t give me that look, you don’t usually drop in without at least a text. Something’s wrong isn’t it?”

Peter finished swallowing his bite of food and carefully put down his fork. There was no point lying to her, Aunt May always had the ability to see right through him.

“How did you-“ Peter’s voice cracked, emotions heavy as he dropped his eyes down to his plate. He continued in a hoarse whisper. “After Uncle Ben died…how did you move on?”

There was a stunned silence before he heard the clink of metal on porcelain. She’d also put down her fork, apparently taken aback by this sudden serious topic.

“Well…”

Peter looked up, noticing how she looked years older, the lines around her eyes stark in the yellowed lamp light. Her gaze was distant, a soft smile on her face even as her voice seemed impossibly sad.

“I didn’t.”

Peter’s brows furrowed at that, his mouth dropping open in shock.

“What do you mean? You have to, Aunt May. It’s not healthy to hold on to someone who’s passed…” He knew he was saying too much, that most of the words he blurted out were words he’d heard repeated to him. He’d read self-help books in an attempt to move on from the grief that surrounded his heart, yet nothing seemed to help.

“Peter…” She reached out her hand across the table, her touch calloused through hard work and age. Clasping his shaky hands in her own, it felt like she was the only thing holding him together. “Moving on doesn’t mean that you forget them. It doesn’t mean you stop loving them.”

“But it hurts too much, Aunt May,” Peter’s head was bowed as an occasional tear fell onto the table cloth in front of him.

“Oh, sweetheart,” She stood up and walked around the table until she was close enough to pull him into a hug. Her heart broke for him as he sobbed. He wrapped his desperate arms around her hips and buried his face in her stomach. She rubbed a hand over his shoulders, her voice soft as she spoke. “Ben loved you like a son. He would be proud of the man you are today.”

And of course Aunt May would think he was talking about Uncle Ben. He loved his uncle, but the grief had faded slowly over time. She would never have suspected that he had fallen in love with someone impossible, an anomaly that didn’t make sense in this dull world.

And a world without Wade was impossibly dull.

He closed his eyes tight and tried to drown out the imagined sound of rainfall in his ears.

xxxxxx

He breathed in deeply, stretching his arms above his head as he yawned.

Blinking blearily, he realized with some resignation that he was the last remaining person in the building. He’d taken to working overtime these days. His friends had stopped driving him home every night once he insisted he was fine.

It’d been seven months, two days and four hours since he’s seen Wade.

It wasn’t easy by any means, but slowly he felt less burdened. Less like he was one rainy day away from falling apart.

Rain was rare now, as it was now firmly in the warmer months. A part of him missed the cooling touch of rain, but mostly he was relieved.

He didn’t like being reminded of all he’d lost.

He grabbed his coat and his umbrella, pausing as he did. He wasn’t sure why he still carried the umbrella around with him. There was no point. It no longer rained.

His hand carefully traced the worn wood of the handle, gaze distant as he remembered scarred hands touching his as he tried to steady the umbrella.

Blinking out of his daze, he picked it up with a rueful smile and headed out of the building.

It was rather chilly, since it was late at night. He tilted his head back and frowned, noticing the dark clouds and complete lack of moonlight.

Under the awning of the building, he was safe.

Still, as he felt the wind pick up, he stretched a hand out. Palm up, he stared as a small droplet of water settled on his palm. Nostalgia swept through him as he remembered the first time he’d met Wade.

He’d said-

“I wonder what the weather’s like today?”

A soft murmur, absent minded reminder. An echo of their beginning.

“I think it might rain.”

Peter froze. The voice sounded slightly different, more hoarse and disused. But he would recognize that rough tone anywhere.

At first, he wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. That’s it, this must be a hallucination brought on by excessive longing and lack of sleep. There was no way Wade-

He turned his head slowly to the side, to the spot that Wade always appeared at.

He wasn’t there.

Peter slumped forward, his hand falling down as he tried to breath. It was just wishful thinking.

A hand touched his shoulder. Familiar yet different. It was heavy, a weight to it that wasn’t there before. A warmth that never existed.

Peter turned his head, eyes already watering as he took in the scarred man before him. It was Wade.

He looked…exhausted. Human and unmistakably _alive_. He was shivering slightly, dressed only in a thin hospital gown and his scars older. Healed over.

Wade had a wry smile on his face, his eyes apprehensive yet crinkled with excitement. Tentatively, Wade pulled him closer into a hug. He pressed a kiss to Peter’s forehead and wiped away his tears.

“Hey baby boy. Miss me?”

And god, Peter had never felt more alive. In Wade’s arms, he finally felt like he’d come home.

He closed his eyes, and smiled.

_fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it folks! I hope that was the ending you all wanted <3 Thank you for reading this fic! It's the first WIP I've completed in over 8 years so it's been a wild ride. 
> 
> As always, if you liked the fic please let me know with some comments and kudos! It helps keep me alive on those rainy days ;) Maybe it'll even encourage me to write more Spideypool...xD
> 
> But wait! I have more amazing news for you lovely readers ^.^ 
> 
> The Spideypool Big Bang is now open for business. I am a mod on this event. (I've been working hard on it and that's why this epilogue is so late haha) It's a collaborative event that pairs writers and artists to create some awesome things. Please check it out [here](https://spideypoolbigbang.tumblr.com/post/176213625205/spideypool-big-bang-2018) and spread the word! The more creators that join the event, the more content the fandom will be blessed with :) 
> 
> We also have an amazing spideypool discord server that's open to everyone 18+. If anyone is interested in joining just follow this [tumblr post](https://mscaptainwinchester.tumblr.com/post/173625065976/are-you-as-gone-for-peter-parker-and-wade-wilson)! We'd be happy to have you <3 and it's a good way to meet other spideypool peeps.
> 
> You can find my tumblr [Here](http://lunastories.tumblr.com/). Feel free to drop by and say hi! I now have a [Ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/N4N2D8R8) and if you kind readers want to, you guys can buy me a drink/tip me here xD Thanks again for reading!


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